Why, After 6 Years of Celebrating, My Accomplice and I Are Boycotting Valentine’s Day

For the previous six years, my associate and I’ve tried to do Valentine’s Day “proper”: We’ve gone all-in with considerate (but pricey) items, overpriced dinners booked weeks prematurely, and {couples} massages that felt like a compelled try at leisure. Primarily, all of the hoopla that, whereas by no means fairly us, appeared like what we had been presupposed to do as a dedicated couple. However this yr, we’re ditching all of it and we’re celebrating our romance the best way we do all different 364 days: with no plans.

The entire anti-Valentine’s Day schtick would possibly sound overplayed. However earlier than you write us off as two bitter cynics too lazy or coldhearted to make an effort, hear me out: Deep down, I’m a hopeless romantic. I am keen on sentimental surprises and any excuse to remind my associate how a lot he means to me. And there is one thing magical about setting apart someday simply to understand your family members with cute, over-the-top clichés.

However as my pals excitedly mapped out their elaborate February plans this yr, I couldn’t assist however marvel why the considered making my very own crammed me with dread—and I’m positive I’m not the one one who’s feeling fatigued. For many people, what began as a candy excuse to get additional affectionate with our SOs changed into an unstated take a look at of how properly we may nail the excellent date.

For those who ask me, a part of the blame falls on good ol’ capitalism, which places extra deal with proving your love along with your pockets—suppose lavish presents, exorbitant prix fixe dinners, and Instagrammable bouquets—than real, heartfelt moments. To not point out, the stress to go above and past on one designated, high-stakes day turns Valentine’s into extra of an obligation than a joyful, genuine celebration.

Whereas I’ve undoubtedly leaned into the extravagance earlier than, I can’t ignore that it typically felt like a hole efficiency—displaying off to the world what I used to be doing, the place I used to be consuming, how a lot I used to be spending. Merely put, this vacation (meant to remind me of how liked I’m) ended up making me really feel the exact opposite: pressured, anxious, and oddly disconnected.

Perhaps it’s additionally as a result of I’ve realized my favourite moments of our relationship occur organically within the quiet, unfiltered elements of our life. Like once we randomly stumble right into a no-name café and yap about every thing and nothing, as an illustration; once we’re sprawled on the sofa in sweats, streaming reruns of Love It or Record It and scarfing down takeout straight from the container; or when he surprises me with Uber Eats or roses on a random Tuesday—simply because he was pondering of me, not as a result of some vacation is telling him to.

It’s these elements of our relationship—the unglamorous, non-performative ones—which have made me really feel most related in our six years collectively. Not the “fanciest” eating places that don’t measure as much as our true faves (Chipotle and Cheesecake Manufacturing facility). Not the sappy social media posts that includes the only a few images we’ve got collectively (particularly since my associate barely even makes use of it). And undoubtedly not Valentine’s Day, which is why we’re boycotting the vacation altogether—and I’m inviting you to think about doing the identical.